on love, autonomy, and dignity
and a great read
A few weeks ago, I tweeted this, “to live a life filled with love, autonomy, and dignity is the ultimate goal.” Honestly, I didn’t mean to sound that deep, but for as long as I can remember, that has been the aim – at least broadly.
I’m quite young, or so I think. I do not know what life will look like 15 years from now. But I’ll be quite satisfied if I achieve these three things within my lifetime. Let me explain what I mean.
When I say love, I do not mean it just in the romantic sense. It also means I have people around who love and cherish my work. I think having a partner who would love me deeply and a family that supports my choices would be a good fortune.
Autonomy loosely means doing things my way. Of course, it is not to be misunderstood as me wishing to do things however I wish. I’m aware that there would be limitations, roadblocks, and challenges. However, I wish to get to a point in life where I can take decisions within these constraints – doing what is right. It also means that I’m able to get out of situations if they get to a breaking point. As with most things, it is said easier than done. I’m putting the feeling into words for that reason – to constantly remind myself, to strive for autonomy when I start taking things for granted.
Dignity broadly means that I do things calmly, without hesitation, and people respect my choices. I cannot demand that my choices be respected by everyone, obviously. But I shall strive to make choices that benefit people around me, so that people think I’m a respectable individual. Again, this is easier said than done.
Broadly, these are my north stars. There isn’t a single occupation or initiative that will lead to all three. Or maybe there is – I don’t know yet. What I know is despite the route I take to get there; I’d broadly strive for these three things, on most days. Perhaps they might happen in a different order or simultaneously. Who knows?
Looking back, I realize that I did not have answers to many questions people asked me. I also did not have concrete answers to many questions I asked myself. Questions such as, “Are you going to choose engineering over medical? What is your passion? What are you going to do after your UG? When will your studies get over?” were posed to me over the years.
I asked myself questions such as, “What am I going to do if I don’t graduate on time? What if I have to give up everything midway to take care of other people? What if this is the last time I get to study? What if I don’t get placed?”
All these questions were valid questions, at some point. Of course, it’s simple to dismiss some of them as silly in retrospect, but I really thought about some of them. There were no concrete answers, but simply posing these questions to myself and being asked by others made me think. There were multiple answers to these questions; I could club the responses to the three buckets of love, autonomy, and dignity.
I did not know if I’d prefer engineering over medical. I did not know what I’d do after UG. I could not know for certain whether I’d get a job after graduation or if I’d graduate on time because I found a few courses unbearably hard. However, through all these I also met people and teachers who appreciated my work, getting more education, and a job contributed a fair bit to the autonomy I experience today. Fortunately, I also got to attend some of the best institutions in the country, which gave me a standing in society.
I’m not necessarily saying people salute me or something like that when they see me on the street. But I’m considered creditworthy now. My nuanced views on different subjects are not dismissed simply because I’m young. Again, people do not simply accept my viewpoints, but the fact that they are given due consideration before being accepted or rejected feels good.
There is so much to live for despite so many uncertainties. As I said, I don’t know what will happen in 15 years, but past experience has taught me that I’ll (probably) seek to optimize for three things – love, autonomy, and dignity. These are the long-term objectives.
I started reading Karthik Muralidharan’s Accelerating India’s Development recently. I’m 18% done with the book. I learned about Karthik’s scholarly work through a course at IIMA called Education Policy in India. It’s one of the best courses I took at IIMA, and the book is proving to be very engaging thus far. I’ll write a book note once I finish reading the book in a few days. You can read the other book notes here.
I also started making tea at home after watching a few tutorials on YouTube. It’s fairly straightforward. I still prefer coffee to tea, but it’s never a bad idea to learn new things. I found that lactose-free milk tea tastes quite bland. Other than that, I’ve gotten quite good at making ginger tea with normal milk. My flatmate suggested that I should add more spices to my tea (apparently, they actually make a spice mix specifically for chai), but I prefer mine less spicy.
I’m optimistic about the future, for sure. But between coffee and tea and reading books to learn about the challenges we face as a country, my present life seems quite engaging, too. There is nothing much to complain about. It’s peaceful, with the usual ups and downs of early-to-mid-twenties.
Thanks for reading till this point. I’d love it if you could buy me coffee. I’m also trying to read more books by authors from the Northeast and books dealing with issues in the Northeast. If you have any recommendations, please feel free to leave a comment, or you can email me – whatever works for you.
Until the next issue. Bye! 👋🏻